Forgetting all I'm lacking, completely incomplete

Do you ever pray for signs, pray for something concrete to answer your questions and show you where to go? I went to see the movie August Rush tonight with my fabulous friend Melissa, and I have not felt so inspired by a movie before. Ever. It felt like someone was speaking directly to me, like someone knew my deepest desires, and my heart was pounding hard in my chest through the entire film. It was like seeing my secret (and not so secret) dreams flashing in front of me, affirming that they will happen.

Jonathan Rhys Myers and Freddie Highmore in August Rush *

I know I have to go back to New York. Every time they showed Washington Square (where I spent a lot of time last time I was there) I just felt this pull, like I had to be there again. There's just something about that city - I feel like I belong there. So I'm going again on my Christmas break. I have 2 weeks off, and I plan to spend a lot of that time wandering the streets of Manhattan on a solo journey. Seeing museums, journaling in cafes, admiring the Christmas lights, walking for hours bundled up in my winter coat. Delicious.

I know I have to perform, to sing and play guitar and piano. All the music in the film - the acoustic guitar, the symphony orchestra, the raw vocals - gave me chills. So much of the movie's dialog had to do with how music connects us all, how there are frequencies all around us that we can hear, how music is a higher power that speaks to us and connects people. I believe every word of it, and have been living it as long as I can remember. Music has always been a huge part of my life. I've been singing and playing piano since I was little. Recently I've been learning guitar and spending hours at night practicing. I know I have a voice and a talent - I just have to stop being afraid to use it.
There's a certain band who's music has connected with me since the first moment I heard it. (Big shocker for anyone who knows me...it's Lifehouse!) I can't explain why - there is just something about it, that certain something about their songs that hits me and I have to stop and catch my breath. The guitar riffs, Jason Wade's amazing vocals, and his powerful lyrics resonate so perfectly with me. Their music means so much to my life, has shaped so much of who I am, is wonderful at lifting me up, and is such an inspiration when I'm feeling down. If the incredible Jason Wade is not afraid to sing and to share his talents with the world, I shouldn't be either. And who knows, maybe I'll be an inspiration to someone someday too.

I know will find the perfect love that I deserve. August Rush is a beautiful love story, and proves that if two people are meant to be together, then they will be together no matter what the circumstances. You can't screw up love. God has a great plan and will make the right thing happen. I have tremendous faith in this, and when that love comes to me one day and knocks me off my feet I'll tell you all about it. I know who I am, what I want, and I won't settle for anything less than earth-shattering, blissfully delicious, butterfly fluttering love. I'm solo at the moment, and it might take a while for that love to appear in my life. In the meantime I'll just keep doing what makes me happy on my own - playing guitar and singing and sticking star stickers on things and reading books about faerie girls and eating sushi and living for God and wandering around New York with my journal and a good pen.